Getting Back Up (Courage and Resolve)

Getting back up is the hardest thing in the world, but it is what seperates a success story from a failure. What if T. Pain gave up on his dream and decided working at Mikey D's was the only thing in his future? What if George Lucas never took a chance on Star Wars? Terry Crews? Lance Armstrong? They would've been failures, but they chose to get back up, despite a bad report!

This world is full of trials and tribulations, designed to knock you down and keep you wallowing in the mud; but there's HOPE! You don't have to stay a mud-crusted worm, unable to stand any longer! You have power, much more power than you think you do! You can achieve victory, but, as with everything in life, there is a cost...usually pride.

Ok, let's start off with the most difficult, most agonizing step possible! We've discussed being honest with ourselves in previous hubs and making a decision that is best for you, but now, we need to talk about making decisions when it counts. Life is full of ups and downs, no matter how rich or poor you are; and we all face times in our lives where it seems we are the lowest of the low. That is when our strength truly comes in to bear!!! Getting up is, perhaps, the most difficult decision one can make. It requires many things that can be wrapped up into these: honesty, courage, action.

Why must I get up? Who cares about me? It's their fault! All these are going to be discussed, but you need to remember this: in this world, there is only ONE thing you can change and that is yourself! You are the master of your own destiny and who you choose to bow to or allow to influence your decisions is up to you.

The first step is being honest with yourself. Often, it is easy to be honest with or ABOUT others and not at all with ourselves. WE are in an entirely different category than those around us! If they only KNEW what we had been through, they wouldn't judge us!!! They have no idea how much this hurts ME!!!!!

Yes, I've said similar things, blown off the same people, flat out ignored others and even debated over the fact that my situation was uterly unique in this world. We know that I'm wrong, but, at the time, I felt justified, vindicated. I was absolutely convinced that NO ONE had been as low as I had been, where I was at was completely new to this world.

Honesty is never easy when applied to yourself and certain individuals; it sticks in the throat and makes us feel uncomfortable. We want to be justified in our actions and state of being; the fact that we could do something different, often angers us more than encourages us. The very thought of ignorance on our part or that our behavior is the cause of our pitiful state is an abomination!!!

Truly, this is difficult, but not insurmountable. Honesty is saying, what have I done to cause this? Is there anything I could have done to alter the situation for my betterment? That's a key phrase there, my betterment. I've grown up a lot in the last few years, more than ever, because of becoming a Father...and not just a Father, but a Dad (yes, there is a difference) and it plays into my point about the distinction between best choice and best choice for me.

Philosophers can argue all they want about universal morals and if there is such a thing as that and universal rights and wrongs, but, when I became a Father, I saw more clearly that there are things that are universal! Often, as a parent, I am faced with decisions that are either going to help me out and advance me or my kids. It is unfortunate, but, sometimes, what the kids need and what I want/need are at odds with each other. We won't get into the moral ramifications, nor a discourse on this at this juncture, but it does provide us with the framework to think with and an example to go by.

We all make choices and decisions in life, it's an every second occourance: from what you're going to read to how long you're going to watch TV to the really important tasks in life. Decisions are something we cannot escape...neither are their consequences. We must deal with them intelligently and with an open mind, making the best decision possible. What that is, depends on you. When I have decisions, I think about my kids and how my choice is going to affect them since I am responsible for them right now and all my choices will either have a good impact or a bad one for them. For every action, there is a an equal and opposite reaction! Your decisions have reactions (i.e. consequences) to them that are either going to life you up or down.

Many of the times that we are down, it's because we put ourselves in the pit and threw ourselves down. We blame things like circumstance, parenting, others...rarely do we assign anything to ourselves. Yes, all the others can have an affect on you, but the most important person who influences you the most is you! What choices do you wish to make? You may have been raised to be a certain thing, but that doesn't mean you have to accept it; we all decide for ourselves what we're going to be. Don't believe me? Look around at all the "rags-to-riches" stories! We love them, but it all started with someone being honest with themselves, not taking no for an answer and CHOOSING to do something about their lives.

Look at Terry Crews, he's one of my favorite inspirations. Here was a man who grew up in Flint, Michigan, not to a wealthy family and around a bad neighborhood. Being a black man in the late 60's, early 70's, he faced racisim and sterotypes, yet he overcame it all! Bad neighborhood, bad rap because of color, not in the "best area" and a family that was big on love but low on finances.

Excelling at art and sports, he would work out to find his focus and draw for his passion in an endeavour to stay off the streets and avoid the bad influences. He could have just as easily been a pinhead and claimed that his life sucked, the world hated him, he was black, but he didn't! He chose to make something of himself, for himself and for his family. He had to overcome not just those factors, which were pretty big in those days, but also when his football career was waivering. He started to loose focus, started gaining weight and was really depressed. This wasn't where he saw himself, wasn't the way that he wanted to provide for his family. Now look at him! He is practically everywhere, from The Expendibles to sitcoms like Everybody Hates Chris and Are We There Yet? But he had to be honest with himself, see that he was slipping and make a change.

We were made to be courageous, strong and free. Part of being honest involves having the courage to do so. Nobody wants to think that they are in the wrong, but the courageous do. The courageous are strong enough to admit that they make mistakes and can live with them, accepting whatever consequences come their way.

Courage is a choice. Yes, there is a natural fight or flight mechanism, but that can be overcame with a choice. Sometimes, circumstances don't leave much of a choice, but there is always the choice to do nothing (which is often when bad men win and good people suffer).

What is courage? Courage is the "quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear: bravery (dictionary.com)" We need courage to face difficulties, to stand up when we just want to lie down. Courage isn't just related to combat when you're getting shot at, but in everyday life! It takes courage to get up in the morning, when you hear that the kids are pattering up and down the hall or kicking the walls in their room and handle them. It takes courage to put off what you want to do to play an extra five minutes and impact that child's life forever.

I love milk. I would have it with every meal and snack if I could; but there are two little men that are growing that love milk as much as I and need it way more. Water has become my friend, especially with the cost of milk being so high. That might not seem like a huge sacrifice to some, but it is to me! I don't know what I would do if I ever had a child that was Lactose intolerant.

Comics. I love to collect comics and they have bailed me out of financial hardships before, bringing in much need cash. I, typically, will spend between 10 and 27 dollars a week to get my favorite reads. Nothing wrong with that, but there are times when I have to not get any; I once went over six months (and not cause I was deployed) because we need that 10-27 dollars for milk, eggs, cheese, cereal...baby stuff. It was a sacrifice! Especially because my wife is a stay at home mama that's working on her degree; because that meant that there was only one income to keep this family afloat and that was mine!

I could've been selfish and told my wife to get a "real" job (which we all know the greatest job ever is the ability to stay home and rear the next generation) so I could indulge myself in my hobby or told her to give blood (which is funny, considering she birthed the little ninjas); but I didn't. I've often felt it, but I had to look at the big picture. I had to be honest about what I wanted and had to have the courage to see what was in the best interest of my family didn't line up with the selfish, best interest for Nate.

I not only needed my Wife home with the kids, I wanted her there too. It was really a mutual decision that she stay and raise the kids (I don't want someone else being mommy to my kids) and it was definitely the best choice. It provides our children with structure, saves us money and I know what's being taught and shown to them (even if I screw up). Things are nice, but my kids are the best and taking care of them means more to me than a comic any day of the week.

Courage...courage to look at the situation and do the right thing, even if it is uncomfortable to you and goes against the very fiber of your being.

This brings us to Action. Action needs no introduction or descriptions, we all know what it is and entails. You have to act on what you decide. Want that new job? Act on it! Scared that you'll be rejected? We've all been there and have came up with the excuses on why it's better not to step out or stand.

Actions are what define us as individuals. Winston Churchill once said that, "I never worry about action, only inaction" which we should all agree with. We can Google all sorts of quotes about action and how crucial it is, what it is, but it all comes down to a choice. You have to move.

We've looked at the three esential factors towards getting up, now we have to put them together. These three elements (Honesty, Courage and Action) require a fusion to alter your life. Unless these elements fuze, you will be stuck in an endless cycle of consequence without truly realizing why.

There are many things in my life that are the way they are because of choices I made. There are a lot of problems that I created myself for myself, holding myself back. Upon realizing that I was causing the majority of the issues in my life, I decided to make a change. That was a hard revelation for me to come across, because I had to be honest with myself about myself with the courage to look in the mirror and see that I was the root of many of my problems.

Now, there were things in my life that weren't mine to control (deployments, what team I was on); but there were many things that I could control that I was failing at, in work, relationships...in life. There were times that I truly hated myself and the choices that I was making, yet I felt that I was on a steady decline and I was failing to stop my decent. There was a feeling of hoplessness, that I was the hopeless person that sucked at life...I wanted desperately to go ONE day without screwing up, just one...simple...24 hour period where I didn't feel like I was a failure.

Marine Corps is a harsh taskmaster, depending on what unit you were in, and I had one of the best at expecting everything you were. I was responsibile for more than just my job specialty, I was responsibile for every job specialty that they had assigned to them, as were all of us. I wanted to go to college, but got told by my Master Sergeant that I had to learn my job, then the Forward Observer's, then the Marine Corps' before I could consider college. This stirred up the rebellious spirit that I had inside me and I said screw MCIs and this particular Master Sergeant (not aloud, of course) and choose not to do my MCIs. I was quick at learning my job and teaching it to others, but there was so much more that I could have been doing, yet I was satisfied just cruising on by.

Results? Even though I was one of the first in the batch of young Devil Pups to be assigned to that unit, I was one of the last to pick up Corporal. When it was almost easy to achieve the rank of Corporal in my Specialty at that time, I was struggling to keep Lance.

Did I have enemies and naysayers talking crap about me? Was there people that I didn't get along with influencing my career ascension? Who was holding me back? Maybe I did have people that were talking crap or trying to influence those responsible for my promotions, yet there was a key thing I was failing to see. Me.

I didn't have all 7 of my MCIs (Marine Corps Institute courses that are forced on us), I would try to take on every task out there (often completing the major parts, but failing at the details), stammering and hemming...I also just didn't stand up for myself, even when I knew I was right. That was the other thing, I would normally take the flak for whatever went wrong; which helped my friends, but destroyed me.

I would say that I didn't mind, because I knew what I was capable of and so did the people that I worked directly with; but to everyone else, I was a failiure that took on more than he could chew. I still have that problem, but I didn't recognize it back then, I was just trying to do the right thing and help everyone I could. This still didn't help me, as I was still getting in my own way.

Luckily, I had other people looking out for me, just as I had detractors. They were also trying to help me understand that I was taking on too much and that I needed to get my MCIs done. Take away whatever excuses they have, then they have nothing to say or hold against me. That's what you need to do! Take whatever excuses you have and, instead of looking at them as obstacles, look at them as steps! Ok, this is what is holding me back, then this is what I'm going to do to get around, over, under whatever to get past it!

I needed 7 MCIs, I had them done and sent off. I took on too much work? I started picking and choosing what needed to be done. Another thing that helped me was my deployments; I really shined being left to my own devices with a team. My first tour, I had an amazing buddy that helped out a ton and had way more street smarts than I did so, by my next tour when I had my Sergeant with me, I knew how to stand up for myself and how to take care of my team. I told my Sergeant it was my job to have him do next to nothing Communication-wise during the deployment and, for the most part, I kept my word.

Result? I picked up Corporal and Sergeant, because I took time to look at what I was doing. Sometimes I still mess up and that's ok, I am human. Sometimes I will be guided by my emotions and react with them instead of logically; there will also be times when I feel it is worth the price.

My Wife and I like to save our personal time for after the kids get put to bed. This time, usually around 8-10 (since kids never just go to bed), is when I get school work done, put on some Jack Bauer Reruns, plug into my computer to game and enjoy some quite time with the Wife. Sometimes, I won't game and we'll just cuddle; other times, she's crafting and asking my opinion and I'm gaming and sharing where I'm at. However, this results in some very late nights, often with us crawling to bed around two-thirty in the morning. Yup, I sacrifice sleep for quality time. Does this leave me tired and wanting a nap throughout the day? Does this make me not want to wake up when I hear the boys in their bedroom bouncing off the walls? Absolutely, but it is a circumstance that I have created and choose to continue in.

Think about your life? Are you getting in your own way? Are you causing yourself to go around that same, stupid problem? Guys treat you bad? Well, what kind of guys are you attracted to? Finances never going the way you want them too? Trace your spending! Needing a great job? What have you done to make yourself more marketable?

I was guilty for so long of that last one. I had joined the Marines to get a degree since I couldn't afford one on my own, yet, there I was with almost seven years in and no college but life. I was planning on getting out to be around my family more and my wife was telling me that the economy was getting so bad that being amazing as a Marine wasn't cutting it anymore as job cred. I needed a degree! Besides, I couldn't just go back to living with Mom and Dad; I had a family that needed to be taken care of while I was at school. Ah, the best laid plans of men...

There were a lot of "good reasons" that I wasn't going to college while I was in, starting with that statement from my Master Sergeant and heading to the realm of too much responsibility with Marines and family. Crux of it, I like my personal time to relax. I want to sit and chill or go to gym with my buddies. Pass me the controller, it's time to waste a few hours...Yet, there I was! degreeless and needing to take care of my family.

I encourage you to evaluate your life and decide where your consequences are coming from. If you want to keep doing what you are doing despite the cirucumstances, then accept that "bad" or "undesirible" things are happening due to your choices.